Fire at will

When life seems to be going by too slow, we all want to just "go fast".

What else can we do, as restless beings, we want the fun, the exciting, that moment. One that we can tell one another we did, or didn't. It's a little hard to describe, but we all know.

I can only access the kid inside of me, as a visual comedy of what I see these days. I'm almost 200 percent sure (and I meant two hundred) that when I was a kid I would be found speeding down rocky hills on a sled, or stealing my parents "tools" or "Indian weapons", as I figured they (an axe) were when I was a kid, and make my way out to the woods and try and scare other kids, or just simply make a fort(ress).

It's those simple kind of things that you miss. I had an imagination when I was younger, dreams included. Like every kid you either wanted to be a doctor or a dentist or some sort of astronaut. Aspirations. I've come to soon realize that all my dreams (the sleeping ones) have been about stuff that is actually going on in my real life, and the dreams that I once had all got choked to death by, if not liquor and hard drugs, then just reality. No winning.

We make our own future. I can't preach anything what-so-ever, but you can't do anything with yourself if you can't make the best of what you have in the present. We all work shitty jobs we never thought we'd be working, but we're here for something more, not a means to an end, but a means to a beginning. Where there is an end, there is a beginning.

If I see more drunk 9 year olds in my back yard, I'm going to start throwing rocks in the dark.

Good night.

Fuck

It's so hard to stay in a consistent routine. Especially when I'm working overnight every night.

I did great making it to the gym every afternoon, until the last two days. The snooze button is just an awful invention. At least I haven't been accidentally turning off my alarm like I have in the past. I can't be the only one who has ever woken up to an alarm and tried to answer my phone (before every little shit and their dog had cell phones an I was like 12). Or turn on and off the tv for minutes at a time. I look back and laugh. (although my mind hasn't progressed much from my goofy adolescent self.)

Words just can't describe how sick I am of living in this cold, cowboy infested, mid-west wannabe prate (that's province + state, FYI). I just feel so separated from normal society. It's transformed me into a bitter grouchy dickhead. Even to my bestest of friends, sometimes. But they forgive and forget with the best of them. So no harm no foul.

I really could rant all day (err night) about everything under the sun, but I'm tired an maybe have work to do. Or some other excuse. Yeah, that's it.